My weirdest hook-up so fart.

Maybe you're asking yourself if you read that correct, and yes. You are reading it correctly. It's FART, not FAR. And I'm gonna share why...

Yesterday I got a message from a stranger in my messenger. It was a few minutes after I posted pictures of a recent marathon I joined. I read it and the conversation started out like this:

Stranger: Sir?

Me: Yes?

S: Are you playing basketball?

M: Nope.

S: Any sports?

M: Why sir?

S: I need your help with something, even if I have to pay for it. It's okay if it's running shoes. Do you have one?

(At this time I thought he was gonna borrow my shoes.)

Me: Yes, but the size of my foot is 11. And I don't let someone borrow my shoes.

Stranger: No it's gonna be you who will wear it. I need a respondent for a venture I'm seeking. I look for people around facebook to do it. What you are going to do is: 1) Jog for 10 minutes. I'll get blood pressure before and after you jog to compare the measurements. 2) I also need to measure the heat inside your shoes 3) I'll need to interview you about your experience if you have gastritis in your stomach and what are your remedies to release the air inside the stomach..

(At this point I already knew that he was sending sexual innuendos to me. I told myself why not? This will be a new experience to me. I actually was thinking of a very kinky foreplay at that time like gay physical exams that I always see on porn. LOL XD)

So we agreed to meet at his place somewhere in Buhangin.  I arrived wearing my running shoes (as he instructed me to do) dripping with sweat from the run (He also instructed me to do a quick walk or run to increase the temperature of my shoes). He immediately welcomed me and we shared a short conversation. I pretended to be as innocent as possible and he continued telling me not to be awkward about it, and that it was all for a paper/project that he was doing.

Before we started he gave me a cup of coffee (Kopiko) and then he proceeded to take blood pressure and initiated some small talk. After that, he proceeded on my feet and he immediately removed my shoes and smelled it. (Like what the fuck, would a normal person do that??) I just acted like I didn't notice and he proceeded with the thermometer to measure the temperature. 

After that he started asking me questions about gastritis, and if there is air in my stomach how would I fart. It was a long talk, and trust me in saying that it was all weird. Bottomline is he told me "Is it okay if I smelled your fart? Like in point blank range?" I was stunned. But then I replied sure, because he kept on repeating that he'll give me money afterwards (although I never needed it, the whole situation itself kept me entertained anyway).

Next thing I knew, he got his bed from his room, and placed it in the living room. We were the only people in the house and it was dimly lit inside because of dark curtains. He then instructed me to do positions that exposed my butt and to remove my pants, so I was only wearing underwear (boxer shorts). He then positioned his face up my butthole while waiting for me to fart. THAT WAS THE MOST WEIRDEST EXPERIENCE I HAD IN MY LIFE. The fact that a person was waiting for me to fart. Because of that feeling, I had a hard time giving him what he wanted. During the wait, he would always mention that farts have medicinal purposes because of the nitrogen that it produces (or something similar to that) etc2. It was like he was convincing me that what we are doing was normal and not out of the ordinary. 

Soon, I told him that I felt like I was about to fart, making him push his head further through my butthole. *pooof*. A long fart had been released. He inhaled so much, it was like a vacuum cleaner sucked all of the air in the room. I then proceeded to get my pants but he requested for another long fart, so I gave him what he wanted. We waited for a few minutes, and when I told him another one was coming, he quickly removed my underwear and sticked his nose in my butthole, causing the fart to be released almost immediately. I was shocked because of what he did, but I wasn't disgusted either. (Crazy right?)

Later that night, he escorted me out of the house and gave me money (Php. 1,000). I then looked it up on the internet and saw that it was a real medical condition called EPROCTOPHILIA.

 "This is a paraphilia in which people are sexually aroused by flatulence (Aggrawal, 2009). Therefore, eproctophiles are said to spend an abnormal amount of time thinking about farting and flatulence and have recurring intense sexual urges and fantasies involving farting and flatulence (Griffiths, 2012a)"

That was the first and the last time that I hooked up with him. I deleted his number after we parted ways. Until now, I can still remember everything (not that it bothers me though). And somehow, it made me realize that Php. 1,000 is really not that bad. 

This is Davaokiddo, signing off. :D 

P.S. message me at davaokiddo@gmail.com if you'd like to share something or you just want to talk in general. lovelots!!