My weirdest hook-up so fart.

Maybe you're asking yourself if you read that correct, and yes. You are reading it correctly. It's FART, not FAR. And I'm gonna share why...

Yesterday I got a message from a stranger in my messenger. It was a few minutes after I posted pictures of a recent marathon I joined. I read it and the conversation started out like this:

Stranger: Sir?

Me: Yes?

S: Are you playing basketball?

M: Nope.

S: Any sports?

M: Why sir?

S: I need your help with something, even if I have to pay for it. It's okay if it's running shoes. Do you have one?

(At this time I thought he was gonna borrow my shoes.)

Me: Yes, but the size of my foot is 11. And I don't let someone borrow my shoes.

Stranger: No it's gonna be you who will wear it. I need a respondent for a venture I'm seeking. I look for people around facebook to do it. What you are going to do is: 1) Jog for 10 minutes. I'll get blood pressure before and after you jog to compare the measurements. 2) I also need to measure the heat inside your shoes 3) I'll need to interview you about your experience if you have gastritis in your stomach and what are your remedies to release the air inside the stomach..

(At this point I already knew that he was sending sexual innuendos to me. I told myself why not? This will be a new experience to me. I actually was thinking of a very kinky foreplay at that time like gay physical exams that I always see on porn. LOL XD)

So we agreed to meet at his place somewhere in Buhangin.  I arrived wearing my running shoes (as he instructed me to do) dripping with sweat from the run (He also instructed me to do a quick walk or run to increase the temperature of my shoes). He immediately welcomed me and we shared a short conversation. I pretended to be as innocent as possible and he continued telling me not to be awkward about it, and that it was all for a paper/project that he was doing.

Before we started he gave me a cup of coffee (Kopiko) and then he proceeded to take blood pressure and initiated some small talk. After that, he proceeded on my feet and he immediately removed my shoes and smelled it. (Like what the fuck, would a normal person do that??) I just acted like I didn't notice and he proceeded with the thermometer to measure the temperature. 

After that he started asking me questions about gastritis, and if there is air in my stomach how would I fart. It was a long talk, and trust me in saying that it was all weird. Bottomline is he told me "Is it okay if I smelled your fart? Like in point blank range?" I was stunned. But then I replied sure, because he kept on repeating that he'll give me money afterwards (although I never needed it, the whole situation itself kept me entertained anyway).

Next thing I knew, he got his bed from his room, and placed it in the living room. We were the only people in the house and it was dimly lit inside because of dark curtains. He then instructed me to do positions that exposed my butt and to remove my pants, so I was only wearing underwear (boxer shorts). He then positioned his face up my butthole while waiting for me to fart. THAT WAS THE MOST WEIRDEST EXPERIENCE I HAD IN MY LIFE. The fact that a person was waiting for me to fart. Because of that feeling, I had a hard time giving him what he wanted. During the wait, he would always mention that farts have medicinal purposes because of the nitrogen that it produces (or something similar to that) etc2. It was like he was convincing me that what we are doing was normal and not out of the ordinary. 

Soon, I told him that I felt like I was about to fart, making him push his head further through my butthole. *pooof*. A long fart had been released. He inhaled so much, it was like a vacuum cleaner sucked all of the air in the room. I then proceeded to get my pants but he requested for another long fart, so I gave him what he wanted. We waited for a few minutes, and when I told him another one was coming, he quickly removed my underwear and sticked his nose in my butthole, causing the fart to be released almost immediately. I was shocked because of what he did, but I wasn't disgusted either. (Crazy right?)

Later that night, he escorted me out of the house and gave me money (Php. 1,000). I then looked it up on the internet and saw that it was a real medical condition called EPROCTOPHILIA.

 "This is a paraphilia in which people are sexually aroused by flatulence (Aggrawal, 2009). Therefore, eproctophiles are said to spend an abnormal amount of time thinking about farting and flatulence and have recurring intense sexual urges and fantasies involving farting and flatulence (Griffiths, 2012a)"

That was the first and the last time that I hooked up with him. I deleted his number after we parted ways. Until now, I can still remember everything (not that it bothers me though). And somehow, it made me realize that Php. 1,000 is really not that bad. 

This is Davaokiddo, signing off. :D 

P.S. message me at davaokiddo@gmail.com if you'd like to share something or you just want to talk in general. lovelots!!

Updates about Davaokiddo 06/29/2018

It's 8:50pm and I'm sitting in the kitchen table, typing a new entry on my blog.

It has been a long time since I wrote anything on this page. I never thought I would miss writing. Updates about me, well my life has not been going very well, I think.

I smoke. I drink.  and I have sex with different guys (with protection of course). Although I plan to correct these very grave mistakes, I just can't escape being bad.

My optimal solution was to apply for an immigration visa to Canada, but I recently discovered that I was denied. Very sad, if you ask me. But not too sad. Half of me wants to stay here in Davao and work, and the other half wants to go abroad and explore the world. I think I'm already exhibiting symptoms of quarterlife crisis. It's just that I see a few of my friends work abroad and they already have tremendous investments here in the Philippines. 

I know that we shouldn't look at our neighbors progress and instead concentrate on our own path but I just can't help it when sometimes I look at their achievements. To clarify, this is not envy. They gave me inspiration to go abroad. I was even surprised about it. I never knew I had it in me.

Anyway, my TOTGA (The One That Got Away) has now graduated college. Good for him. We don't communicate anymore, as that was the advice of his ex, who happens to be my new found friend. She taught me how to move on in times when I needed it the most. If I did not distance myself from him, I would still be the hopeless, foolish being waiting for a love that will never, ever be given to me. (this is a very long story that I am planning to share with you guys soon, it's just that I still haven't had the time to post my failed relationship because of busy schedules from work and other things)
After the "sad-part" of moving on, I now think and feel that her friendship is now something much more. I feel that she may have "romantic feelings" for me. So yeah, my life is complicated.

Here I am, conquering life's battles one step at a time. Speaking of steps, I should also inform you guys that I am now living a healthy lifestyle by joining marathons here in Davao and other areas in the Philippines. I already have four (4) brass medals in my room. I also cut a few pounds since joining. At least I'm doing something positive in my life that you can try as well. It's good being surrounded with positive people, although I haven't really talked with any of them because of my introversion, but maybe one of these days I will try and seek to join a running group/team. Just to see how fun and thrill it would give me that can substitute the vices that I still do until now.

Well, I guess that's just for now. The rain has stopped. Gotta watch Netflix and chill.


See ya later guys. If you are a closet, or someone who needs someone to talk with, you can email me directly at: davaokiddo@gmail.com

My BAD HIV Testing Experience (SPMC HACT) Davao

January 10, 2018.

It was on this date that I took my 4th HIV Screening Test . For the past 3 tests that I had, all resulted in "non-reactive (negative)" which is kind of reassuring. But because of my active lifestyle, I find it hard to be 'just at peace' with these three results. So I went to our good friendly neighborhood clinic, SPMC-HACT Office. But then things went downsouth for me during that time.

As usual I go inside and tell them: "Hey, can I test myself for HIV again? (non-verbatim, but still close)" A lady approached me (she was a nurse) and told me: "Tara punta tayo sa loob sandali." I was expecting that I would be tested because I was in a bit of a hurry that day (It was a weekday, and I just took off from work just to get tested).

She then started telling me:

"Dili na mi naga cater anang mag sigeg balik2x"
"Wala diay nimo ginapractice ang safe sex"
"Mao nay problema gahi kaayo mog mga ulo"
"Wala diay nimo ginafollow ang counselling sa imoha"

I was so shocked by her remarks that I sat there and froze staring at the nurse. She was new (I can tell because I've been there like 3 times). Out of irritation, I told her with conviction: "Ah, Miss, kanang naa diay sa batas or sa law na bawal mag balik2 ug pa test?" At which, she replied: "Ahhh wala man sa batas naka state sir, pero kanang dili man gud naga work among counselling sa imoha.. Sa lahi nalang ka na testing center, ayaw lang diri sa amoa".

She denied my request for testing. At this point, I was furious. How does she get to decide who should be and should not be tested (Take note, she was not the ? She should have appreciated people that are willing to be tested. She should praise or even accept people because that's the main purpose of testing. To know, as soon as possible, if someone has HIV or not, so as not to progress into AIDS.

I stood my ground. Because I knew my rights. I knew the law, and I know that she was 'out of her mind'. Shaking out of mixed emotions (anger and fear) towards this very rude nurse, I was about to record our conversations on my phone. It was at this point that I think she noticed the recording that she suddenly changed her decision and told me: "Sige sir, tara adto na ta diri para magkuha ug dugo"

Power tripping? Possibly. But I just let it go. The day ended with me being tested. Before leaving I really wanted to know what that nurse's name is, but I decided not to ask (so as not to make a commotion out of it). I know what she did was wrong. And I pity the other people who will go to the clinic and encounter that obnoxious lady.

My 4th test showed 'non-reactive'.

Before I end this post, I wanna tell the nurse, if you're reading this, please bear in mind that not all people who go for re-testing are people who practice immoral UNSAFE sex. There are also people who'd like to be tested even though they practice safe sex (like me). Yes call it paranoia or being crazy, but if this is the way to save my life against this disease (that killed millions of people), then I'd be glad to see your face every year!


P.S.

I did some research work and I found out her real name through the HACT website. Her name is: Lorraine D. Mata, RN

I have nothing against you ma'am, but I want people to be informed by you and what you did to me during my testing. You left me no choice. (Pictures below)