Perks of Maya Maya

It's been a very long time since I have made a new post here on my blog.

Today, I want to share that the Japan-Philippines love story is now over. I have found out things about my partner that I cannot accept as of now like: past wrongdoings, past lovers, age difference and the fact that his priority is to his family (pamangkins, sisters, etc) and not to me. I feel like I've been used. It's hard to admit but I must say that I still love him, but the two of us should never be together again. It wasn't easy. After all, he was my first gay lover.

Even though there is anger and resentment, I also feel thankful. Thankful because through him, the doors of the discreet community here in Davao had slowly been opening its doors for me.

Through him, I met one of the most good-looking and maya friends of mine. As I can recall, there are only two gay friends that I have been sharing my life stories with. Two people only know the craziness and exciting things that I've been doing as a gay man.. I don't know if I can still be considered as a closet, knowing that I have told two people about my secrets. . Let's call him Kristoff for now. You can view his picture by clicking this link: Kristoff's PIC

Plenty of gay men are now messaging me on facebook. Requesting me for my number, a date at expensive restaurants, a movie hangout, chill at the beach. etc.. but all of these invitations, I have strictly denied.

I know some of them are not that bad. Some are even boyfriend material. "Yung pwede mong madala sa mall na bf.. Mga ganun".. There were plenty of opportunities.. But I closed doors.

I don't know what's really happening to me nowadays.. Especially since I've also observed that I have been addicted to sensual massages no matter what cost, and no matter what the masseur looked like.

Oh and yeah. I've been hired. I am now a gay man with a job. Kudos to me! :)

That's all. I hope someone's still reading this.

PS: Friendly advice, I think that it may also help for closets to have at least one friend who knows. Trust me. I am talking from experience,. It can really reduce the heavy feeling inside. :)

Love you all. Ta ta.

Japan vs Philippines

Hey there. It's been a week since my boyfriend and I have separated (geographically). It's hard for me since it's the first time that I have experienced having a relationship with the same sex, with an older guy (30), and long distance relationship..

I don't know why I love him. I think it's because of his angst. His "chuy chuy" aura. And the fact that he's chinito and beefy. A friend of mine (the only one that I've been sharing all about my secret personality) said: "Why him? You're pogi and he's.... nevermind" "Ngano siya? Kagwapo ra nimo..." And I always reply with a smile, saying: "Love lang jud nako siya". We had sex before he left. 3 times to be exact. Maybe that's the reason that I feel more connected with him. Not only did our body connect, but so did our souls. The only sad thing was that I never saw him leave Davao. He said he didn't want to see me because it would make him more depressed if he saw me cry "Masyado siyang assuming".

We have constant communication. We chat on facebook. But recently he was upset because I forgot to tell him that I would have drinks with my friends on DEQ at Saging Repablik (a restaurant with lots of good looking waiters).

I tried calling him several times. He wouldn't answer the call. I chat with him, and I only end up being 'seenzoned'. I don't know what else to do. As I said earlier, this is the first time that I have a relationship with the same sex. The mechanics are still unknown for me. It may be a difficult road ahead but one thing is for sure, "I love him.. With all of my heart". I've never felt something like this since like... forever.

I want to spend the rest of my life with him.. And I want him to know. I want him to feel the same way that I do.

This is davaokiddo, sharing my daily dilemmas in life.

Lovelots <3

Masculados (Gay Bar)

(in photo: my husby, Marlon Teixeira)

I wanted to share this because this is my first gay bar experience. I always thought that my first would be somewhere in Manila, but a recently acquired friend of mine urged me to go inside one of Davao's known gay bar, Maskulados.

It happened yesterday. September 7, 2016, 9:00PM to be exact.. It was actually raining (light rain) and both of us were excited. Hahaha. The bar is actually located on the second floor, and there's a stairway showered in blue LED lights. Along the walls you can see posters of the models ranging from young to old. All equally appealing to the eyes. Hahaha.

When we arrived at the top, we were shocked because there were no people present. Well, considering the fact that it was actually a wednesday and it was raining. The staff were accommodating and they gestured us to go inside the bar even if the show did not start. They gave us a seat inside, and we made our orders. (Two buckets of Red Horse, imagine that! And we were only two guys during that time!! Hahaha)\

Over-all. My first experience was actually fun. If I were to rate it between 1-10, I'd give it the perfect score of 10. Hahaha. The guys at the bar were all hot!! There was a guy with hispanic features (beard, torso filled with hair) that looked like one of the pornstars of Sean Cody! Shet! There was also a guy with oriental features (who looks like Vaness Wu from Meteor Garden) but a rocking hot body..

Samples of the dancers there is shown below. Hahaha.

Oh diba? Ang sasarap nila... Eto pa oh...

Advice for closets: If you want to go here unnoticed, just wear glasses and go during Monday-Thursday only. These days are safe because there's little or no customer present during this period. And most especially, go in pairs. Don't go alone. Go with someone you know perhaps on Grindr. 

So ano pa hinihintay niyo? Gora na. Hahaha. You Only Live Once. Spend your time wisely ;))

 Masculados Restobar is located at Anda St., Davao City (near CAP Auditorium)

The Unintended Lover

Hi guys, I'm back. It's been a month since I've been unemployed. These past few days I've realized that my body is not used to just sit around and relax at home. I also worry that if I continue to stay home (and rest), baka mas lumaki pa ako. So to prevent this, I applied in one of the BPO companies here in Davao. Hopefully I'll get accepted and enjoy the work.

In my dormant state, when at home, I can't help but use my Grindr to find nearby cuties and PLU's (People Like Us). I was not used to seeing a lot of people (especially young teens) online in Grindr that time and most especially, at our place. One by one they messaged me, I messaged back. The funny thing is, there's this one guy that stands out the most. I enjoyed talking with him (he's in his 30-40 something). He said he had a car and he would like to meet. It was the first time that I would meet up a guy with a car on Grindr so I got curious and went ahead with the plan.

Evening came and I waited at our agreed spot for 10 minutes and at last, he arrived. He was using a Toyota Hilux (Pick up Truck) and stopped in front of me. He rolled down his window and he invited me in. At first I couldn't see him clearly, and when he turned on the lights I saw his face. He was chinito. Matanda na pero bata pumorma. He was wearing a shirt, shorts, glasses and a baller cap, giving him the illusion that he's still in his mid-20's pero in reality, mas matanda pa sya. Hahaha.

We talked, shared laughs, and bonded with each other. Nothing sexual happened. He said he was from Japan and that he was just having his vacation here in the Philippines. He's already a Japanese citizen btw. We continued our talk in his house which was 'above average' if you ask me. He even thought that I looked like one of those brazilian-japanese guys he sees on japan dahil daw moreno ako.

Everything went well after that. He introduced me to his friends and his nephews (college dudes who are actually cuties too). He seems nice and he respects me. At this moment I already accepted his friend request on facebook (first time that I will do). I think I like him more and more each day. <3

P.S. Here are pictures of his nephews.

Oh diba? Pak Ganern! Hahahaha.

Resignation

As I watch my calendar, I see that I only have nine days left to stay with my current employer. It's been fun working here especially since this is my first job. I've feel like I've learned so much already. Things that are not taught in school. Experience is truly the best teacher.

I'm definitely going to miss this place. Food, Surfing, Party, even the scorching heat of the sun. I only have one thing left in my "to-do list" that I need to fulfill before leaving this place, and if you're an avid reader of my blog, you know what I mean. LOL. (Hopefully it works out)

I'm looking forward that as I go back to Davao, I'll leave behind the wrong things that I did. Habits that we're not part of my priorities/goals when I applied for work here.

This is me, writing my history. This may be a bad choice, but at least it's my decision. Someday, I'll look at this as one of the best chapters of my life.

See you soon DAVAO! :) Lovelots.

-davaokiddo (davaokiddo@gmail.com)

CND: Katrabaho

Hello guys. Today I'm doing my favorite entry: CND or most famously known as Crush Ni Davaokiddo. I'm featuring Mr. I today, He's a co-worker of mine (of the lower rank). Unlike most of the employees that I commonly supervise (oldies), he's different because he's young, and he's refreshing to the eyes.

Without further ado, here he is:

We were drinking that time because it was a fiesta. I was even surprised that I met him there. It was pure coincidence. Sorry it was only glimpses/snapshots of him. Wala kasi siyang facebook or any social media account. 

I'm actually attempting to invite him to Siargao. For him to come with me there. Para naman mas masaya ang pag stay ko doon. LOL! Hope papayag sya..

That's all for now closets! Lovelots!

;)

-davaokiddo (davaokiddo@gmail.com)

Napahiya Ako

I’ll be writing this post in ‘mixed’ language so that I can fully express myself. So please bear with me. 

Inimbita kami ng aking katrabaho sa bahay nila. Apparently, bisperas nung day na yun (Bisperas is the term used for the day before an actual fiesta in a barangay here in our place). So yun, pagdating namin (7:42), kumain kami ng marami, especially yung sinabawan na carabao (it’s a common delicacy here). We shared laughs and fun stories as we ate (siyempre mga barako halos lahat ng kasama ko). After that, binigyan kami ng isang case ng red horse beer. It’s common protocol na bigyan ang mga bisita ng alak after eating (most especially during fiesta). I guess it’s normal tradition for all Filipinos.

So yun nagkainuman kaming lahat. Take note na friends ko lahat ng mga lalaking nakainuman ko. Then here comes my boss. Siya yung tipong barako talaga. Pala inom. Mahilig mambabae. In short, he’s like a GOD for most of male Filipinos kasi naman he has all. Women, Money, Power, etc. He also shared life lessons like this: Pag ang babae daw tumanda, nag de-depreciate yung value, pero kung ang lalaki daw ang tumanda, mas lalong tumataas ang market value. Then all of them would start bursting out laughter. Turns out, joker din si Sir.

(11:00). We had finished two and a half cases of red horse beer already and a lot of us we’re already drunk. (Besides me of course). Then it happened. Ito yung pinaka kinaiinisan kong mangyari sa akin during an inuman (or any given occasion, because this happens a lot). My boss questioned my sexuality. In front of my f*cking friends. Hindi ko alam kung paano umabot sa point na yun. Basta ang alam ko lang, tumingin sya sa akin and then he opened it up. “Dex (not my real name), bayot ka no? Sulti nalang gud”. At that point I always do what I normally do. Look the person that addressed me straight in the eyes, just be quiet and smile. I knew he was drunk, but I can’t help to be angry. Angry with him and myself included. Then anger turned to humiliation. Humiliation to shame.

All of my friends were laughing, and I was about to walk out that time, but that would be too obvious. Sanay na akong makarining ng remarks about my sexuality but coming from him, my boss, one that I already considered my father, it hurts. It also hurts when your friends join in the fun and tease you. I told myself at that exact moment to be strong. To never show them that they are hurting me inside. Then he addressed a friend (the one sitting next to him) and told him: “Bayot jud na si dex?”, and then my friend replied: “Ambot lang sir. Siya lang ang makatubag ana?”

I’ve been a very bad person. Done drugs and alcohol. All in an effort to blend in and hide perfectly in my closet. But I guess my methods were wrong. Maybe it’s because of this face? The way I move? My voice? The way I talk? Oftentimes I blame my parents for not letting me go outside when I was still young. Kasi iniisip ko na baka it’s because of my lack of socialization with other young boys when I was a kid kaya ako naging ganito. That maybe, if I had played sports, been naughty, etc, I could have been a man that they always wanted me to be. I always think that the way I am today is because of how my parents raised me back then, and not because of genetics (pathetic right?). Although I have gay relatives from my father’s side (including an uncle) which makes it more factual to believe that it’s because of the genes.

How would opening up and telling the world about ‘me being gay’ any better? Would the pain from being discriminated be less if I step out of my closet and inform everyone na bakla ako? I also hate myself for the fact na I take it as an insult when someone tells me “Are you gay? Bakla ka ba?” Yes I’m gay, and sadly, I am ashamed of it.

Sometimes, I always imagine what would happen if I suddenly disappear. Hide from everyone that I ever knew. Have a new life under a new name. Start over. Meet new friends but this time, I would be open about my sexuality. I would tell the world that I am gay. Would I be happy? Would that solve my life-long problem? The only thing that’s keeping me from doing this is because of my family. I grew up in a household full of love and respect. I don’t want to rob them years of misery.

I guess I already said too much. Kung may makausap lang sana ako regarding these things I wouldn’t feel lonely inside. So instead of talking to someone, I share it through this blog. This blog keeps me sane. It’s like my bestfriend already. “A really deaf and mute friend” to be specific.

This is davaokiddo. Signing off. You can always email me at: davaokiddo@gmail.com